What if
by KM-Sama
Summary: Something bothers Yuki about Shuichi to no end and he decides to find out the answer to his questions... but will their relationship survive to this, or will he ruin everything for good this time R&R PLEASE!
1. Default Chapter

[WARNING]:This is Yaoi, if you don't know what this means don't even bother to read this fic. But FYI ( for your info) yaoi means man/man relationship if you don't like this please go and read something that goes better with what you like. Shounen ai and yaoi are beautiful just like Shoujo ai and yuri are too; love is love. You have been warned, now proceed at your own risk.  
  
[DISC]: Don't own Gravi... damn it! *shakes fist *. Please don't sue me, I'm poorer than a sewer rat *but I smell better _' * the only thing I own is this little fic... and it really isn't that good _'  
  
[A/N]: YxS. Yaoi, it's Gravi...duh! This little fic came to me during my financial info. analysis class last week, but I didn't star writing till yesterday so... if you like it and want me to continue REVIEW and say it, if you don't like it well you can say that too T_T. I guess this is what happens when you are associated with one crazy author and you're a wacko yourself _'. Yuki could be a little OOC. Well enough of this nonsense babble of mine, lets get to the business...  
  
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:: WHAT IF ::  
  
by: KM-Sama  
  
Chapter 1:  
  
To find out... for real.  
  
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Maybe he wasn't given the chance to find out, I don't know. But that's something that's been bothering me for quite some time now. Why? Well, that I don't know... all I know is that 2 months ago I was peacefully working on one of my books -well, as peaceful as it can be with the brat at home- and that thought just came to me... and I still wish it didn't.  
  
I know Shu's first time was with me and I know well... because he told me and -for some reason- he never lies to me. You know, first time I throw him out, told him I hated him, that he sucks in bed and that he was gay. Well none of that was true. I really didn't hate him and he is really good in bed actually and according to him being gay...well. now I'm not so sure anymore. And to be honest, it's driving me crazy.  
  
Its not like I'm dying to find out really, actually I'm quite scared of what the answer to that question might be. And its not like I haven't been meaning to ask, its just that I don't have the strength to do that; nor say the courage because well. think about it, I mean what if I asked and for the first time in his life the brat starts to wonder? What if he finds out that he really isn't; or that he wants to "try" something else, or... or... I don't know what the hell I'm thinking about. All I know and care about is that it scares the hell out of me, and that if I don't have my answer fast, I'm going to go nuts.  
  
Why? ... Well because since that faithful night I barely slept, or worked or stopped wondering -the 'what ifs' I mean- and that was 2 FREAKING MONTHS AGO! For Christ's sake! I CAN'T go on like this; I really have to find out. So.. ok, now, problem number one solved: I have to find out. I can't believe it took me 2 months to get to that knowledge, I'm such a case. But that's not the issue here; so anyway, I've solved one problem and that just leaves me with another one, HOW to find out... and that it'll be problem number two.  
  
It's not that I just ask him -I know, I know. That's the fastest, easiest and smartest way- let me tell you why I haven't done that -'cause I'm a coward thank you very much- its because I don't think I can get a straight answer from the brat and I'm not implying he'll lie to me -'cause he never does that- all I'm saying is that he's so worried about pleasing me -I know, I know and I DO feel guilty for that... sometimes- that he'll just say he is not even bothering to think it trough. And that's not what I want, I want to know... for real.  
  
I think, I think that the only way out is the one I'm fearing the most, the one I've been trying not to think of in the past couple of months -miserably failing-. And that only is... to let him -more say make him- try... and that scares as much as it hurts -though you might think it doesn't- because I feel so much for him... I do, and I don't want to loose him I just want him... to be happy. Doesn't matter if its not with me... I have to give him the chance to know, to find out what he really wants, needs and likes.  
  
I know, I know he says all the time that he loves me, and that he needs me, and likes me and so on. But I keep wondering if that's really true or that if, maybe... I'm all that he knows.  
  
TBC... if you ppl want me to.  
  
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[A/N]: Ok in this fic I'm assuming Yuki doesn't know about his Shu fooling around with Hiro, I didn't found any reference to that on the anime or the OVA and since I haven't finished the manga I wouldn't know. There might be some lemon in the future... maybe. Please don't forget to leave your review and tell me if you want this fic to continue. You also may contact me in osiris150880@yahoo.com or osiris150880@msn.com to contact me via MSN.  
  
Matta ne...  
  
::Plotless, pointless... just like me:: 


	2. Angel Like a little baby

[WARNING]: Ok... this *points at fic* YAOI, don't know what that means... DON'T READ. If you still do, don't have the right to flame. YOU'VE BEEN WARNED. [DISC]: Don't own Gravi... damn it! *shakes fist *. Please don't sue me, I'm poorer than a sewer rat *but I smell better ¬_¬' * the only thing I own is this little fic... and it really isn't that good ¬_¬' [A/N]: YxS. Well here's chp 2, hope you all like it. It took a while but it finally came out. About the grammar thing, english its not my mother language and sometimes i screw up, so put up with me... ONEGAI, i hope its not too difficult to read, or maybe that because I'm a very complicated person, and mi thoughts.... let not go there ok?. A REALLY BIG THANK TO ALL THE KIND PPL WHO REVIEW, I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS CHP TOO. Mmmmm, you can make suggestions about where this fic might go too if you want. So... on with the fic.  
  
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:: WHAT IF :: by: KM-Sama  
  
Chapter 2: Angel...Like a little baby  
  
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Yuki Eiri sat alone in the darkness of his den absently staring at the white screen of this laptop, the cursor taunting him to write something with its constant blinking. He hadn't been able to write a word the whole day and now it was too damn late to even try, not to say that his inspiration had fled 2 days ago showing no sign of a quick comeback, it was probably now laughing at him in some faraway island with a margarita in one hand and getting one of those tans you only get in a spa.  
  
Yep... Yuki Eiri was in hell, and it wasn't pretty. I mean, its not that he hadn't been there before, New York for an instance but this... this was WAY beyond that, oh yeah, New York was nothing compare to this. Well...maybe not that much but this was worse... a little. But worse, definitely worse.  
  
He passed the last 2 days thinking of how to get the brat to... erm... "find out" but nothing came into his mind. Of course there's that one resort that involves driving in his car in the middle of the night and peeking some... err... "lady of the night"[1] -sort to speak-. But that's not what he wanted for his Shu -yeah, HIS Shu-. And of course he could always call one of those escort services[2], but that one didn't look too appealing either. So, what to do?... He knew a lot of women but it wasn't like he's going to pop up in front of one of them and say 'Hi, do you wanna have sex with my boyfriend so I can find out if he's really gay or not?'. OF COURSE NOT GOD DAMN IT!. No, he's got to think this through really carefully.  
  
Yuki was abruptly cut out of his line of thoughts as the door to his den slammed open and a certain pink haired singer made his triumphal entrance.  
  
"TADAIMA YUUUKI!!"  
  
Yuki could only flinch at the sound of his name being shouted so loud and in a really high pitched tone of voice.  
  
"Hn..." Was all the response Shuichi got from his blond koibito, but that was just normal for him so Shu just took it as a 'Hi, Okaeri Shu-chan' but of course you must be really verse in Yuki Eiriese to understand this.  
  
"How was your day? Did you missed me? 'Cause I sure missed YOU a LOT"  
  
Shuichi knew it was a waste of time asking Yuki that kind of things but he did it anyway -no matter what kind of answer he might got from his koibito- .  
  
"Hn..." Yuki was blankly staring at his laptop. Not paying any amount of attention to his pink haired lover, though that might not seem something new. The difference was that this time he REALLY wasn't paying any attention not just faking like all the other times and this fact promptly made itself very clear to Shuichi, who up until that moment was still standing in the door of Yuki's den, and Shuichi -being Shuichi- hurried himself to his lovers side and into the land of concern and worry -like he always did whenever Yuki was involved- in other words... he worried himself to death over this.  
  
Now Shuichi was sitting in Yuki's lap and the fact that he encountered no resistance whatsoever in the process made him even more concerned about Yuki.  
  
"Na... Yuki daijôbu ka" Was all that Shu could say in that moment. He really was worried about his blond beauty, whom by the way, knew he was being called 'a beauty' would probably dump Shu immediately .  
  
"Y-Yuki... what's wrong?" Shuichi raise a hand to caress his koi's cheek hoping with this, to win his attention. He was more that relieved when his strategy worked and Yuki responded to the touch by turning his head to face him and meet his gaze. Almost instantly Shuichi was overwhelmed by the beauty of his boyfriend's absolutely gorgeous amber eyes fixing on him. He loved those eyes, he loved seeing himself those beautiful eyes, but what troubled him the most was the absence in that look because no mater what, Yuki's gaze NEVER had that kind of absence in it. It always had that strong presence even if it was a cold, emotionless gaze.  
  
All Yuki could see was his beautiful koi and angelical face in front of him, words didn't register in his mind as Shuichi seemed to speak to them. The boy was gorgeous in Yuki's eyes, with his pink hair and those big amethyst eyes, his tiny mouth with soft sweet cherry lips that he longed to kiss and devour with his own. Then, almost out of the blue something came into Yuki's mind, it was something telling him that he will lose Shuichi once and for all, telling him that he will lose the angel that had saved him that horrible night in New York and that kept saving him everyday, it was something that told him that he will lose his one and only reason to live. Suddenly the fear became to much to bear, he didn't want to lose Shuichi -his precious little baka-.  
  
Yuki felt -almost like if it wasn't him at all- how his arms slowly got themselves around his koi's small waist and pulled him closer to his shivering body. He could feel the relieving warmth of Shuichi's body tightly pressed against his own, the soft smell of his strawberry boy that made his mind swirl around in delight every time he smell it... that made all his fear go away... making it all better once again. This was not the exception to that and almost instantly Yuki calmed as he held Shuichi in his arms.  
  
An then he heard it, the long forgotten words were now remembered and there it was... the troubled voice of his koibito calling out to him, asking him if he was ok, showing his endless concern for him. Something melted in Yuki's heart every time his koi did something like this -which was pretty often by the way-.  
  
"Shuichi..." Yuki whispered to his pink haired lover.  
  
Shuichi couldn't believed what he'd just hear... Yuki calling him by his name. An electric wave ran trough his spine at the mention of his name by his blond koibito and Shuichi did one of the things he did the best... smile. A big, sweet smile that show just how happy that single gesture had made him.  
  
By now, Yuki was more than lost in that smile that he adored so much and in the endless beauty of his strawberry boy's eyes. Without losing any other second Yuki took Shuichi's face in his hands, making the boy blush at the touch. He then lean a little so that his lips were slightly brushing Shuichi's and barely touching the soft flesh, teasing him with the promise of a kiss that never seemed to come. Shuichi could only melt at Yuki's touch, how he longed for that kiss, to feel those lips devouring his entire body.  
  
Once again Yuki teased Shuichi, instead of kissing him. He whispered with his lips brushing Shuichi's.  
  
"Do you love me?..." Then Yuki finally give Shuichi what he so much wanted, a soft, light, tender kiss.  
  
"With all... my heart...forever" Somehow Shuichi managed to say, as Yuki kissed him.  
  
Feeling Shuichi responding to the kiss Yuki pull him closer in order for the kiss to become even deeper, Shuichi hugged him tighter and started running his small hands all along Yuki's back. The lack of air finally made them have to separate.  
  
Shuichi stared into Yuki's eyes and was more than surprised to find his blond koibito smiling at him, it wasn't a big smile like the ones on Shuichi's face, but it was there and it was all Shu needed to be infinitely happy.  
  
"Yuki!... You're smiling, Oh! You look sooo cute when you do it!"  
  
Yuki merely raised an eyebrow and chuckled lightly just before he could find an answer he could give to his pink haired lover.  
  
"The hell!... puppies are cute and I'm not a God damn puppy" - Yuki's words might've sound a little harsh if you didn't knew the guy, but for Shu it was all but harsh. For him it was Yuki's way to tell him that he didn't know how to handle kind words, but that didn't bother Shu, he knew Yuki -deeply- appreciated those words.  
  
With those ringing into his head Yuki took Shu in his arms and carried him to their bedroom; when they slowly, sweetly and passionately started to make love... all night long.  
  
Next morning -more like noon actually- Yuki woke with a totally fast asleep and totally naked and totally exhausted Shuichi in his arms. He caressed the boy's face, lightly running his fingertips along the line of his jaw, Yuki couldn't help but smile when Shuichi stirred at the touch and wrinkled his nose a little. 'Like a little baby' he thought with amusement; how he loved feeling the warmth of HIS little lover's body and the soft strawberry scent of his hair.  
  
After a while of quietly contemplating Shu, Yuki's mind once again was assaulted by that damned thought. 'DAMN IT!' he thought to himself.  
  
All of a sudden he had an idea, one that would allow him to know the truth once and for all. And with that, Yuki Eiri drifted of the land of dream one more time, the last coherent thoughts his mind registered were about fame and its convenience. Yuki Eiri lay now fast asleep in the arms of his strawberry boy, the ghost of a faint smile on his lips.  
  
TBC...  
  
[A/N]: Ok, maybe not such a good chp, but I think it gives the story a little "body". Just in case you're wondering why there isn't more dialog than a few word here and there, its because I prefer to explore the character psique -or al least my pathetic attempt on doing so ¬_¬' - better than what they're saying. Ppl usually think one and speak the other, so... well... that's why. Don't forget to REVIEW... ONEGAI.  
  
[1]: By this I meant a prostitute, for those who haven't noticed. [2]: Their usually associated with high class, very expensive prostitutes, thou not all the time.  
  
Ja, Matta.  
  
::Plotless, pointless... just like me:: 


	3. Conscience

[WARNING]: YAOI... dont know what this means?.... DONT READ!!!!

[DISC]: Dont own Gravitation nor it characters.... life its so cruel T_T

[A/N]: Ok, I know this might go a little slow but at least in this chapter i managed to put on some more dialogue than the others *tries miserably to cheer ppl*. Ok, ok bear with me a little on this, and on grammar, and typos, slowliness, and the list goes on... T_T

  
:: WHAT IF :: 

by: KM-Sama 

  
Chapter 3:   
Conscience... 

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So finally, after what seemed endless months of torture, Yuki al last made up his mind and came up with an idea and he put and end to all the stupid questions that has plague his mind for the last couple of months -not that this idea wasn't a stupid one, and not that he noticed at all either-. He was a desperate man in a desperate situation -at least, he saw it that way- and desperate times need... well... desperate measures of course -wasn't he?-. He was pretty damn sure of that and there was nothing in the world that no one, or anything, could do to change that fact. 

But, deep inside of him, there was this... how to call it... voice telling him, screaming at him...

'Please... don't do this' -The voice begged-

'Why the hell not?' -Was Yuki's response- 

'You know... don't you?' -It continued-

'What?!' -Yuki was quickly losing his non existent patient-

'That you WILL lose him if you do it!' -The voice told him, sounding almost... desperate and fearful?-

'...' -Yuki wasn't able to respond nor he wanted-

'Are you willing to bet your own happiness, HIS happiness because of some stupid thing you're too afraid to ask?' -That... voice was good, it knew where to hit-

'...' -Yuki didn't answer to that either-

'You know... he NEVER lies'

'I know but...'

-Voice cuts in- 'But what?!... You'll lose him, you KNOW it and yet... you don't care'

'I NEED to know' -Yuki was beginning to be a little frightened-

'Do you?' -Tone calm almost in a whisper. It was teasing him-

'... Yes' -Was Yuki's meekly response-

'Are we losing our confidence now?'

'What do YOU know?!' -Yuki tried to get a grip on whatever it was left of his courage and confidence-

'What do I know?... I know... EVERYTHING' -Yuki was more than scare now, but being him, didn't show it-

'Oh yeah?'

'YES...' -Answer came in almost a whisper-

'Hmp. No one can know everything, that's fucking impossible' -Sarcasm, irony, cynicism... Yuki's façade-

'Oh. But I didn't say I knew everything about every thing... did I?' -I sounded almost... amused-

'And what the hell to you EVERYTHING about huh?' -Fear, don't show-

'YOU!'

'Yeah?... and can you tell me, what the fuck makes you thing that?' -Terror, pure and honest-

'Cant you tell... Uesugi Eiri?' -This wasn't any good-

'What the...!'

-Voice cuts in- 'Who am I?' -I WAS teasing him-

'WHAT?!'

'That I'm YOU'

Yuki woke up just to find himself covered in sweat, staring directly at the white screen of his laptop. He brought one shaky hand to brush his bangs away from his forehead, he was panting. Just what the hell was that all about?!, was it true?. He quickly dismissed the thought and went back to his work and he was just about to start a new chapter of his book when he found that it was really difficult to concentrate, the words that that voice -well, It was actually himself- had told him were still fresh on his mind making it a little too hard to think straight at the moment.

After a few moments he finally could manage a tiny degree of concentration and resume his work, words flowing from his mind perfectly fitting one another in a silent symphony, the taping of keys the only noise that could be heard trough out the quiet apartment. He ignored how much time he had being working but by now it was dark, it was strange that nobody had come to bother him in all this time -yes, his missed his Shu- so he decided to take a look and see what the hell he was so Shu-less not that he cared, he told himself, -yeah right- he just... wanted to see if the singer hadn't burn the house down or something like that, yeah... that was it, he was going to check on the house and then if the time permitted he'll check on his baka and that was all.

Yuki got out of his den and made his way to the living, everything was pitch black but not as quiet as he thought because there was this noise coming from the couch, and he quickly recognize it as being Shuichi's snoring, it was very low but he knew the sound very well... the baka had fell asleep on the couch again, he'll probably came home and saw Yuki working very hard on his book and decided not to disturb him. The thought brought a small smile to the writer's lips while he quietly made his way to the couch and taking Shuichi in his arms took him to the bedroom they shared. Shuichi, feeling warm arms being wrapped around his small body rested his head on Yuki's shoulder and let himself being carried by him but did not wake. Yuki laid Shuichi on the bed and sat beside him brushing some strand of pink hair out of his face and very softly caressing his cheek on the process, he then smiled again. 

Yuki sat by the singer side just watching him sleep, the beauty of Shuichi marveled him, his silky skin, his frail body, those cherry lips and that pink hair that never fail to amuse him and then... the damned voice made its entrance again.

'So... are you ready to stop doing this?'

'DO WHAT?' -Yuki was more than unpleased-

'Watching him, of course' -It taunted-

'I DO NOT watch him' -How he wished that, that... thing would let him be-

'Yes you do... you do it every night and you know it'

'No I don't ' -DAMN IT!-

'But you do... and you LOVE it...' -The problem with discussing your own conscience?... it that you CAN'T fool it-

'NO, I don't ' -So, shut up!!-

'Oh... you don't?...' -The voice's tone was one of somebody who enjoys what his doing-

'No...' -Yuki whispered in his mind-

'LIAR! ' -It almost laughs at Yuki's words-

'.....' -Yuki was speechless-

'You LOVE to watch him sleep, you LOVE to hear him sing around the house, you LOVE him' -And that, was a fact-

'I...' -Was it true?-

'So... ready to lose all of that?'

'I wont' -Yuki tried to fight against it-

'Ah yeah...'

'YEAH' -This discussion wasn't going very well and Yuki knew it-

'And how so?...' -The tone was the one of somebody really amused by what's he's hearing, somebody who knows another person trying to fool himself and failing... miserably -

'Because, because he loves me' -Yuki assure to the voice in his head only achieving to amuse it a lot more-

'HAHAHAHA!' -And with that... silence -  
  


TBC...

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[A/N]: Well... how was it?, hope you like it. More dialogue in this chp *hopes it convinces *. Please REVIEW, make suggestions, comments, critics or flame... its all welcome. THANK YOU SO MUCH TO ALL THE PPL THAT HAD REVIEWED, kisses and hugs to all of you. Sorry for the excess of sugar in all of this but you can honestly say that Yuki isn't kawaii when his being kind to Shu-chan *_*

Matta ne!

::Plotless, pointless... just like me::  



	4. The nightmare before the concert?

WARNING:YAOI... dont know what it is?... Read it at your own risk

DISC: Gravitation belongs to Maki Murakami-Sama...TT poor me!

A/N: YxS. R&R please... sorry for the delay in the new chp TT

: WHAT IF :

by: KM-Sama

Chapter 4:  
The nightmare before... the concert?

Finally a new day came and with that Yuki got the opportunity he was looking for because in just 2 weeks Bad Luck would give a concert right there in Tokyo, lucky Yuki... right, anyway do you know how a straight line is the closest distance between 2 points? Well, that's exactly what this was going to be, just drawing the line... between the points and no more going around the bushes with this and that was final.

The day had passed without any major predicament, which was amazing considering it was sunday and Shuichi's day off, well... maybe just a little smoke coming out of the kitchen during breakfast but that's all and strangely Yuki got to write more than 2 chapters today and still no whining Shu to disturb him, thing that was starting to annoy him because... damn! He miss HIS Shu -not that he told him that of course-. So by the time dinner was coming near he decided to go check on his precious ball of genki aka Shindou Shuichi.

And so, Yuki's quest was rewarded with a very beautiful sight just when he get to his living room, there on the couch lay Shuichi all spread across it listening to some music on his minidisc and with a notepad and a pen on his little hands, the boy obviously was trying to write some lyrics. Yuki had to admit -in spite of himself- that he looked really cute, laying there, playing with the pen on his mouth, wearing those tight -and very small- shorts with that blue tank top that did a very poor work on hiding his soft, silky skin and suddenly Yuki found himself just watching the little singer with fascination -for some reason he couldn't understand-. The way he moved, the rhythmic ups and downs of his chest, his lips silently singing along the song, his small hands moving around like he was dancing but not quite. Yup, Shuichi was gorgeous Yuki found and... WAIT JUST MINUTE!... didn't he already knew that? Oh no, the thing was that he knew, but was to damn stubborn to actually acknowledge it. Yeah, that was it.

The blond -forgetting totally about 'checking the house'- moved almost mechanically to sit next to Shuichi's head on the couch; Shuichi feeling this obviously though he had done something wrong because Yuki would never, ever, ever look forward to spend 5 minutes with him without being, erm...'politely asked to'.

"Naa Yuki, did I do something wrong, was I being too loud? because I'm sorry and that wasn't my intention, I mean, that's why I use this" -said pointing to the earphones- "and, and... I'm sorry, I'm not going to do it again and if you..."

"Urusai" -Said Yuki in a little more harsher tone than that it was actually intended and of course, making Shuichi feel miserable on the process for disturbing his koibito's work, hm... how strange that happened :P -

"G-gomen..." -Was all he could manage to say. Once again he had managed to made his precious koibito mad at him and that made him feel very, very bad-

"Urusai" -He now proceeded in a more soft tone to indicate his ball of genki that he wasn't mad at all-

"Yu..ki..."

Shuichi barely finished the word, and who could blame him I mean, after all, Yuki started to stroking his hair in a way that make Shuichi all warm and gooey; don't forget gooey. So... what to do?; lay your head on your koi's lap of course, and so he did. Both men just sitting quietly on the couch enjoying their mutual company; Yuki just barely kept stroking Shu's hair and Shuichi continued to just lay there, eyes closed and that warm, fuzzy feeling on his chest.

Surprisingly it was the oldest who broke the silence... hmm, Yuki Eiri starting a conversation?... the world must be coming to an end.

"So... next week's your concert huh?" -Talking in a very, very soft tone that made Shuichi feel very drowsy-

"Hai..." -Was all the singer could say-

"And afterwards?" -Same tone-

"Mmmm... don't know" -Said Shu in a very cat like manner-

"I see... do you want to do something then?" -Huh?-

"Be here with you..." -Ok, Yuki Eiri wanted to do something with Shu... to bad he was too sedated to notice this or to glomp him like he was supposed to-

"Good; now... let's go to bed ok, too much work for today" -Said the writer at the same time he took his singer in his arms the same way you take a baby to hold him in your arms. Its not rare to say that Shuichi let himself being carried by his koibito without any resistance what so ever-

Yuki walked with his treasure safely tucked in his arms making their way towards their bedroom where once there, he carefully lay the genki ball on the bed, cover him with the blankets and kissed him goodnight Yes... he did that often, but only after Shu had fallen asleep

After changing into that and according to Shuichi gorgeous, sexy, surprisingly beautiful wine colored pajamas, what can you do... when you have it, you have it; he lay next to his energetic lover who happily snuggle closer to him and to Yuki's own amazement he didn't reject the pink haired one... hm, I wonder why the hell he didn't :P

Some minutes later, Yuki had fallen asleep thinking or more like gathering what was left of his courage to made his plan... or more so... his lousy plan, which he thought was a grate one by the way.

Later that same night, Yuki woke up all covered in sweat, his heart racing a 1000 mph, breath very, very fast and shaking like a leave to the wind... with fear. The blond had woke up from the most horrible nightmare one can imagine... if you're in love with a certain pink haired baka that is. In his nightmare, he was in his apartment, like usual, and after a few minutes of uselessly typing in his laptop he decided to go find his lover; when he got out the room all he could find was a cold, dark and above all... empty apartment. He then started to panic because judging the time, Shu must have being there by now so he searched the flat upside down... no pink ball of energy at all. The place was so dark he could barely see, and his feet where freezing because of the cold. He tried to turn on the light; nothing. He ran to the living room; no traces of his singer could be found in there, there was no computer on the table in the far end of the room, no manga scattered all over, no Nittle Grasper cd's by the sound system and what more frightened him... no pictures of Shuichi anywhere to be found.

Yuki desperately tried to calm himself but it was too much, something told him it was true, that that sinking feeling on the base of this stomach was all true; Shuichi wasn't there anymore. No pictures, no pictures... wait a second, there WAS one picture that could never disappear, one that it could never be taken away from him... his lighter. The picture of the very first time he had taken out his baka, yeah... he searched his trousers pockets; nothing. He franticly searched the living room; nothing, he searched the kitchen, bathroom, bedroom; nothing and all that he did could find was his absence. Finally his den, it was the last place and his last hope to prove this was all wrong, Shuichi wasn't gone, he hadn't left him for good.

With as much courage he could muster, he entered his den... scanned the place with his look, there lying next to his laptop was his price, his ever present companion, his 60 dollar Cartier lighter. He approached slowly, carefully like a lion to his pray and took it in his right hand... took a deep breath, and turn it over...nothing.

Again Yuki Eiri woke up to fear the cold sweat on his forehead and kept shaking while he remembered his nightmare, glancing to his side from time to time as to make sure his lover, his Shu was still peacefully sleeping by his side.

TBC...

A/N: Wow, finally a new chp, I'm so sorry for the delay but I had one of those stupid writers block... I think its all better now. So sorry if this chp its too short but I don't have anymore to add to this. So I hope you like it. Please don't forget to REVIEW. Thank you so much

Ja, Matta.

:Plotless, pointless... just like me:


	5. Realizations

WARNING:This is Yaoi, if you don't know what this means don't even bother to read this fic. But FYI yaoi means man/man relationship if you don't like this please go and read something that goes better with what you like. Shounen ai and yaoi are beautiful just like Shoujo ai and yuri are too; love is love. You have been warned, now proceed at your own risk.

DISC: Don't own Gravi... damn it! shakes fist . Please don't sue me, I'm poorer than a sewer rat but I smell better ¬¬'' the only thing I own is this little fic... and it really isn't that good ¬¬'

A/N: Im sorry for the waiting, I know its being too long since the last chapter and I'm sorry, I have to say I had a major writers block on this particular fanfic because to be totally honest, I didn't know how the hell was I suppose to make this work, but now that I have it figured out, more or less, im gonna finish this. I guess this only proves that im not good at multi chapter fanfics... that's why most of my fics are one shots... once again... im sorry.  
Ja, Matta.

: WHAT IF :

by: KM-Sama

Chapter 5:  
Realizations...

Well, a few days after that horrendous nightmare...Yuki found himself having second thoughts about his precious plan, or the thing he thought was a plan.

Anyway, he was thinking now that it probably might be better if he just sit Shuichi down and ask him and face the consequences because no matter what Shu's answer might be, they loved each other...

Yuki could not believe what he just found about himself, did he had admitted to himself that he loved his genki lover?; well that must be the reason why he always called him HIS. Strange to him, Yuki wasn't as shocked as one might though he would be the day he finally admitted his feelings towards the singer, even more, not as shocked as HE thought he would be.

So, what to do now...his plan had just gone down the toilet, but he did wanted to now mainly because of Shuichi, because he didn't wanted to deny him the chance of a more normal life; one with a wife and maybe children... and the blond couldn't help but smile at the thought of what Shu's kids might look like, will they inherit his pink hair, his eyes maybe, Yuki sight, slowly a new plan started to form in the writer mind only this time... it was a good one.

He decided to make it the most beautiful and caring and sweetest, romantic and soothing experience to Shuichi, because Yuki knew that his love would worry and that he was still very innocent regarding such subjects; he imagined Shuichi blushing deeply and quite worried at the question his lover just did to him maybe even pondering if Yuki was trying kick him away for good and disguising it with feign concern for him... Yuki smiled; Shuichi had a habit to make things blow over proportion whenever he was involved, guess it was his very unique way to show him how much he loved him.

Anyway; Yuki needed to get a few things to make the occasion really memorable, but above all, he needed to pick the date correctly because right now Shuichi was a steam ball waiting to explode with the concert a few days ahead, rehearsal way behind schedule and press all over Bad Luck... no, it'll be better to wait a little after the concert, even if it was the very day after which means the writer had at least four days to plan for everything.

That night, for the very first time in months... Yuki Eiri finally had a good night sleep.

TBC...

To my reviewers: backlash, Lonely in Russia, 11, hapaestusina , brokenAngelYue, Rin , Seles-Chan, Kitty in the Box, A fan, Misura, Ragna01, Acetaminophen, Natascha, Megamie, panatlantic, jestagal... to all of you my deepest apollogies for keeping you this long without a new chapter and thank you so much for all your beautiful reviews.

:Plotless, pointless... just like me:


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